#52 -- Woken from the Nightmare

[inthecenterfold]

[His handwriting's pretty messy since it still hurts to write.]

Here's a tip for all you new kids - don't ever leave your journal behind. Ever ever. Or you may get lost in the Wilderness alone for 3 weeks (or more!) with no way to ask for help and no way out.

And if you do, then all you can do is hope the Adventurers do their job - and they do; try thanking 'em sometime - 'cuz it'll have to be one of them who drags your sorry ass back out of there.

Smoke

[Not that he's bitter about the experience, of course not. He's been here long enough to know better and not make these mistakes, you know.]

Comments

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

[She extracts herself at length, and finds a chair to sit down in. The smile on her face does not diminish.]

So a bit more before the Bar is back to the full complement of people, hm? I had to hire a couple of new people, but I think by now there's enough that we'll manage even if someone goes missing. It's happened a lot lately.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

Well hey if you hired on, then I gotta say hi at least! That doesn't take hands - and I'm way better at pouring drinks with my right hand than writing with it.

Quicklog! (hired people are NPCs, we can name them later)

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

I'm sure they'd be glad to meet you! Just don't stress yourself if you come by. [Her face grows a little more serious.]

What happened to you in the Wilderness? Do you... want to talk about it? I'll certainly understand if you don't, I mean.

Quicklog! (Works for me)

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

[He just nods at first, but then she asks about the Wilderness and his expression shifts to guarded.]

Ah... Remember that chat about parents we had awhile back?

[Pause.]

My mom was there. Or someone who sounded a hell of a lot like her.

[There's obviously more and he's seriously debating if he wants to say anything; he leans on the back of his chair, then looks back up at her.]

She had a lot to say to me. And then tried to kill me.

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh.

[She remembers their previous conversation about parents; it left her with the impression that his childhood has not been an untroubled one. That invokes a sense of strange kinship in her, as if she can sympathise, but what he says next makes her face twist in a mixture of horror and empathy before she can stop herself.]

I... I'm so sorry. I kind of thought you... well, might not have had a very normal family, or anything of the kind, but...

I'm sorry. You just told me something that had to be hard to say, and I'm babbling. I see, then. That kind of bad thing. Mine... wasn't really that horrible, but it doesn't seem that Wilderness let anyone off easy.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

It's not- I don't know that that's how it went down in my past, but... [He touches scars on his cheek with his left hand] I still hated the idea I'd done anything to piss her off.

Honestly, the other stuff she said was actually worse. All that time I spent as a kid? Guess I kinda dealt with kid stuff already, but the rest of it... [He rubs the nape of his neck now with the same hand.]

She basically said I was wrong - how I've been acting for two years, trying to figure out how you just deal with this place... Pretty much ever since I found out my old name - [He never calls it his 'real' name] - I haven't used it, because hell if I know what that guy was like or who all of his friends were. I still don't even know if that's what Mom looks like! I've only ever heard her voice in my memories.

[He looks like he could say a lot more on the subject, but just closes his mouth and looks down at the table, hands folded up and his forehead resting on it.]

Gojyo's whole life was lost to me at one point, but now I'm starting to forget people here too. Have I really been wrong this whole time, to not use Gojyo's name?

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

[Kagerou leans back in her chair and tries to collect herself. The Wilderness seems to be able to burrow into people's hearts and wrench their worst fears into reality. If she listens to her own good sense, it would be stupid to treat anything she heard there as the truth, but her emotions aren't so easily stifled.

Cautiously, she reaches out to lay a light hand on Smoke's shoulder as he slumps.]

I met someone in the Wilderness who frightened me a lot, too. I'm still not sure who he is, but he... said it'd be only a matter of time before I went over to his side. That I was going to turn against my friends.

Whatever is down there right now, it can get inside your head. It makes you see things that make you doubt yourself.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

[Smoke nods] Yeah... [He rubs his hands over his face once, then down over his neck.] Don't think I'm going back there for awhile.

[He cranes his neck a little to look in Kagerou's general direction, a faint smile on his face.] Much prefer a rowdy night at the bar - especially these days.

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

Well, I would prefer you at the bar on the rowdier nights! Axel and Materia are both pretty good at throwing out troublemakers, but I don't think anyone quite has your touch.

[Kagerou has to smile at that, so Smoke gets a small, lopsided grin in return.]

And I'd rather focus on what's up here, you know. The part that's real, and... not the Wilderness. I suppose it's real in some way, but sometimes I'd rather not think about it.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

[He can't help the fact that his mind wanders to a short debate over how real his past as 'Gojyo' was compared to his current life as 'Smoke,' and wondering if he'll ever be able to fully reconcile the two. But he'd let that sit in his head for awhile longer before comitting to anything. Kagerou's here trying to cheer him up, so he's willing to just absorb all of that.]

Always did prefer the upper floors, myself.

[So Smoke sits up a little taller, slowly getting out of his mood slump.]

But who's Materia? One of the new folks and Axel got to be buddies with or something?

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

Oh, sorry. I mean Marbles. Did I ever introduce you two? She's been working at the bar for a couple of months now, well, other than the side trip she took.

[A brief, glum look passes in her eyes, but she shakes it off, almost stubbornly.]

I mean that she died. But... she came back, and gave herself a new name, and now she's Materia.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

Oh... [He rubs the back of his head] Yeah, actually, she and I hung out once, but... you're making it sound not that bad, so did she just decide to go with a new name for whatever reason?

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

I never asked, actually. [She taps her lip, trying to think back to any bits and pieces of conversation she's managed to snatch with the other girl.]

I think she named herself after something she saw in her dream the first time. Maybe she found something that fit better, this time?

Well, it... was bad. She was attacked by a monster on Crystala. I'm just trying not to think about it.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

[He reached up to massage her arm a little.] Sorry, that's not what I meant. Just sounded like she hadn't forgotten us.

Which is great, because she's fun to be around at the bar, isn't she? [He tries to gives her a smile.] It'll be nice to have that kind of... buzz about the place again.

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

[She looks up at the touch, smiling at him gratefully, if wistfully.] Of course. No, she came back right as rain, as far as I can tell, though... she's been a bit down since then. I suppose I understand. It was weird, a little, to be dead and then... not again.

[She sits up straighter, as if trying to draw herself up from the spell of moody reminiscence.] It's been lively enough, yes, and I think we're finally back to a, well, sensible number of people. Things are actually working out even if someone can't come in. And that happens a lot.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

Any other changes I should know about? I trust you and your judgment, I'm just curious.

If not I'll just rest up this arm and be back there as soon as I can. [He smiles brighter for her.] Always has been my favorite place to be, after all.

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

[Now she reaches to pat his hand, reflecting that smile back to him.]

I'll tell you as soon as you're back in full form! So you'd better make it quick. It's just another bartender, and someone to whisk around glasses when Materia's not there and I'm too busy trying to work out wobbly cocktails, really.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

Yes ma'am! I will be a lazy bum the rest of today so that I can heal completely.

Quicklog!

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

[That earns him a bright, pealing giggle that she doesn't even bother to stifle. It is good to have him back. Things are a little more right in the world with Smoke in it.

She stands up, leans over, and kisses him quickly on the cheek.]

That's the spirit. Welcome back again, and I can't wait to see you at work, actually.

Quicklog!

[inthecenterfold.livejournal.com]

[He grins from ear to ear at her show of affection.]

It's good to be home.